 |
-
Photos
We all have a dark side to ourselves. It is not necessarily black or dark in colour but it is the negative, unhappy and “evil” side. Most people try to hide or mask this side by covering it up or not dealing with the trials and tribulations they may have to face.
The dark side is our aggressive and even possibly our abusive side.
This intervention proved to me that even the most calm, relaxed and positive person has a dark side, a side which they prefer to hide or pretend doesn’t exist. However if they manage to unlock or get inside this part of ourselves all hell could break loose.
-
Text
Cora to Cara
So long to Cora and hello to Cara!
Cora had her chance to make a huge impact and take over the world for a short while, but it’s time to say goodbye to her and let her hide back deep within my soul.
Cora lives in us all. We see her in jealously, hate, anger and negativity. But that does not mean we have to see her all the time.
She will come out and cause trouble every now and then but we don’t have to see her every day.
Cara is back and here to stay.
♥
-
Video
Video conclusion on my feelings and experiences.
-
Photos
Snaps from my 10 day journey.
-
Photos
Day 10 - Last Outfit
-
Text
Day 10 - THE LAST DAY !
I did not realize how much this intervention would affect me when I started it, but to be honest it has been an amazing learning curve. I’ve discovered more of who I am as a person and as superficial as it sounds, how much my appearance and the way I show myself to the world means to me.
I am so excited to be able to be myself tomorrow!
Everyone at Varsity was very unsettled today. You can feel the tension in the air and we were all hanging on by a thread. I think everyone is battling to stay in character and not resort to being themselves.
I have mentioned how I have found this assignment to be incredibly emotionally draining but the reason I have repeatedly mentioned it is because it really has greatly affected me, more than I ever could have imagined that it would have.
-
Photo
A fun photo Murphy found and thought of me :P
-
Video
Zoella - My favourite Youtuber
Her views on how to deal with panic attacks.
-
Text
Day 9
Today I decided not to blog about my feelings or the outfit that I am wearing for the day but rather about something I experience and am trying to confront and deal with.
Another part of the dark side of myself is the fact that I have previously and still occasionally suffer from panic attacks.
This is something I’ve been suffering from for about the last 4 years. My first few panic attacks happened during the middle of the night. I woke up and was very anxious, nervous and unable to breathe. I have suffered from these occasionally. It got to a point where I was once hospitalized as my attack was so severe.
I realized that my main reason for having these attacks was because I bottle up my emotions all the time! I used to find confrontation with people very difficult, and I always wanted to be a people pleaser and had no idea how to deal with or identify these emotions.
I am however getting much better. I have now realized that I cannot always make everyone happy, I will not be a pushover to suit other people’s agendas and that I am allowed to have my own opinion even if it conflicts with others.
This has helped to enable me to control my panic attacks. I have also learnt how to deal with them and avoid them from occurring.
-
Text
Day 8
Monday…
After an enjoyable long weekend spent with the people I love the most, today was a really emotional and tough day for me. I know I’m stressed about handing in final assignments, sad about saying goodbye to my boyfriend and as a result feeling depressed and frustrated with my life at the moment.
I have cried, felt angry and have just wanted to curl up and hide away from the outside world.
Today was not my finest day and probably the most emotional day of the intervention.
I’ve noticed that I was meant to actively change my mood and persona as well as my overall look and style, but without even trying I’ve become a horrible version of myself. I am getting worse each and everyday.
-
Text
Day 7
What can I say, I am starting to become highly frustrated to say the least. I feel trapped, confined and have lost my freedom of expression without being able to choose how I dress and therefore express myself how I want to.
I cannot wait for this intervention to end so that I can go back to being “normal”. I feel like a prisoner locked up inside a dark world devoid of any colour!
My mood is definitely changing and not for the better :/ I’m just highly irritated all the time and becoming very snappy.
I really want everything to return to how it was so that I can just be myself once again :(
I miss my old character, my old persona and just being me.
-
Photos
Day 6 - Evening out
-
Text
Day 6
This evening I went out for dinner. Ahhh wearing an all black ensemble was not exactly my first choice and as it was chilly as well I felt like I looked like a walking dark being. I had dark blue jeans on, a black top with black netting at the top, black pumps with some gold studs and a black leather jacket!
All the other girls I saw out at the restaurant seemed to be wearing light coloured dresses and shorts. I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb! As soon as I could get the jacket off I did. As removing the jacket exposed my bare, light skinned arms it made my look not seem quite so intense.
I have also realized that I like to have freedom of choice and wearing a lot of dark clothes, especially long sleeved tops and jackets as well as trousers makes me feel very restricted as, well as vulnerable in some way :O
I know I sound completely bonkers but I have realized this is proving to be quite a depressing task if anything. I am starting to feel more frustrated that I cannot be “myself”. My clothing is such an integral part of me and now I feel like a large part of me is disappearing.
-
Photo
-
Text
Day 5
Lying in bed I realize why I find it so difficult to wear an all black outfit. Not because of stereotyping people who wear black such as goths or emos or whoever else wears dark outfits, but because of my unresolved fear of the dark.
This is a fear I have had since I was a child. I have never outgrown it completely. At one point I thought I had overcome it and no one was hiding in my room and those shadows from my bookcase weren’t in fact a person creeping up on me. I just not comfortable with being alone in the dark. I think it was exacerbated by the fact that my dad was shot and I have never felt safe on my own from that day on. I think perhaps that I’m ultimately afraid of losing people and not having any one to turn to and keep me feeling safe and secure.
This may come across a bit immature, but I am a person who is independent and enjoys my own company, however when it comes to the feeling of safety and security I don’t ever believe I will truly feel comfortable on my own at night.
It may also be due to the situation in the country we live in and the crime and violence around us, but maybe my inner child will never come to grips with the “monsters in my head” and the ones I have not yet conquered.
Today I walked along the beach in my all black “outfit”. Dark shorts, black top, black sandals. Argh, I felt like some weird species. Everyone else was in light, fresh and really beach-friendly coloured clothing. I found I was hot most of the day and just wanted to get out of the sun. I hate that people are now viewing me as this dark emo character, because this in fact is nothing like me. My boyfriend told me not to worry because he at least was wearing bright colours so it makes up for both of us! But in a way this makes me feel like I stand out even more! This dark, strange character is next to this blonde, tanned and “colourful” person. I felt that everyone must thinking that he is dating a very contrasting looking character :P
